Wednesday 8 May 2013

Finding the funny side.

As you know, life has been a bit full of, well, of Life recently. Since the day I got back from Laos, if we're going to be precise. I'm not going to write about the main focus of all this - mainly because the real heroine is old and frail and believes the internet was spawned from the devil's armpit, and so it would be disrespectful to splash her story over my blog.

But why is it that Big Dramas always come with a sub-plot?

For instance, at that moment when I was most in need of a cup of tea, the kettle blew up. To be fair, my failing to fill it with water was a contributory factor. But such reasoning was beyond me. At the time, standing in the kitchen with the kettle doing its hissing thing and then - phut, that tell-tale phut - and you know it's dead, my reasoning went something like this:

The kettle did this on purpose. It knew this was the very moment I would die - literally die - without a cup of tea. I must ring ... who ... someone who could go out and buy me a kettle, bring it to me wrapped in sparkly paper, make me tea while I sobbed my recovery. (Why couldn't I go and buy my own kettle? Because it was a Sunday, and I live in a small town with no kettle shop open on a Sunday. I have no car, and Sunday buses are ... when did you last see a bus in the countryside on a Sunday? What's more, the kettle must have known all this and chosen a Sunday, deliberately.)

I didn't do any of that. I took a deep breath. Found my little travelling kettle. Made some tea. Ordered a new kettle.

Then, on Bank Holiday Saturday, just as Life was receding enough for me to notice the crumbs on the floor, the hoover blew up. Just like that. The engine all hot and bothered. I'd have carried on regardless if there had been suction, but the hoover must have known I'd do something like that as it packed up entirely. With a little sigh and a stink - and then, nothing. Bank Holiday Saturday, the house uncleaned for weeks - and no hoover.

So, that was the moment it mattered more than anything in the world that I clean the house. I have books to read, the grass to cut, cakes to make (I lie about that, I rarely make cakes), friends to visit, logs to chop for the fire next winter, plants to repot, bed sheets to change, stories to write, films to watch, hair to wash - but somehow I can't do any of it until the house is clean. I order a new hoover. And wait in the dust for days, follow its tracking, jump up each time a truck goes by. The world has stopped because I can't clean the stairs.

Unreasonable? Of course it's unreasonable.

But the conspiracy of kettle and hoover, just when my head is peering above the parapet of Really Serious Drama, is unreasonable.

Please tell me I'm not the only one to have a common sense bypass when things like this go wrong?

14 comments:

  1. This sounds like my life from time to time. When things go wrong, it seems everything goes wrong. I feel for you though. Can't even put the kettle on for a much needed cuppa.

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  2. Oh I love that expression "a common sense bypass"! I'll have to use it, properly cited of course (Carroll, 2013). Jo, I felt for you with every word of this post. Yes, to everything, but no to the last question. You're not the only one!

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  3. Thank you, Dan and Val - it's consolation to know I'm not the only one who goes a bit bonkers at times like this!

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  4. I'm warning you- these things Go In Threes, there'll be another electronic catastrophe, in my experience.

    And yes it is the Universe's personal vendetta.

    But it did make me realise I can use a saucepan to boil water for tea, a dustpan and brush for the sweeping ( not effective I know but at least it looked like I was trying) . Now I just need an alternative for the fridge going "phut" like it did last time they conspired against me. It was OK in the winter except we found we'd got rats in the shed who ate our Christmas veggies. But its "summer" and I don't know my neighbours well enough to ask them to foster our food...

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    1. Oh such common sense! Of course these are first world problems (as Christine's daughter would say) and nothing is insurmountable. It just takes time for such common sense to kick in.

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  5. I knew there was a reason why I'm still living in Leicester. I can buy a kettle any time of the day or night, except for Saturday night I think - I've never actually used our 24 hour a day ASDA but I could if I wanted to. It's strange how events happen in clusters, rather like buses, except not on a Sunday, right?

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    1. Most of the time the countryside is wonderful, Ros - so, in the cool light of reasonableness - I wouldn't swap being woken by the mistle thrush in the morning for being able to buy a kettle any time of day and night.

      But when I'm unreasonable - then everything is wrong!

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  6. Yes household appliances does conspire against us just to annoy. My hubby is away from home on a Tue and Wed and if something is going to happen at home it is when he is away. I've had a dog with poorly bleeding paw,no heating,no washing machine and this week the door on the upstairs cupboard fell off its hinges on top of me. Any hospital appoints fall when he's not here (he has the car) . I would join him on his away days to avoid all those things but I have a large dog I can't leave home alone.
    Right rant over,hope your kettle works for many years.

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    1. Rant on, Anne - it can even make you feel a bit better when the kettle dies!

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  7. Oh Jo I am so sorry that things are getting on top of you because of other peoples' dramas. I can empathise and no, you are not over reacting - the malevolent Hoover is a much better recipient for your general upsetness than the person who is at the centre of the drama, who must also be making life hard for you at the minute, even though they cannot help it and you are not cross with them anyway. I think you should put the broken hoover and kettle in a pile and jump on them till they are broken into millions of little pieces! And serve them SO right! :)
    I really hope things pick up soon.

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    1. Jenny, thank you. As you noticed, the kettle and the hoover are symptoms and not the point.

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  8. I would be tempted to abandon all housework at this point and indulge in cake/tea/etc. This did make me laugh. Domestic dramas are a rich vein of comedy!

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    1. Cake is the solution to many problems. Life looks sweeter after cake!

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