Sunday 21 May 2017

Privacy, and its changing shape in an online world.

I'm trying to sell a house, which has made me a bit obsessional about trying to predict what people might be looking for. I hadn't realised that some people have such strong opinions about wardrobes.

But I did know that many people want privacy, especially in their gardens. Now my garden has a tiny private courtyard-thing by the house, but the rest of it is open to next door - to the extent that we have no fence along one side and my neighbour and I stroll freely in each other's garden. She, too, has a private area at the top - and there is an unwritten agreement that we do not disturb each other if we are sitting in our quiet spaces. It works for us - but we are having to think about how it might not work for everyone.

But I has got me thinking about what we mean by 'privacy'. Speaking personally, I love sharing a garden. I also have no problem if people glance through my front window - if the colour of my curtains or the faded flowers on the window sill is important to them, then that's fine.

What I don't share with the world is aspects of my relationships - it's very rare for me to write about my daughters and grandchildren (even though they are the most wonderful daughters and grandchildren in the world). I don't post pictures of people unless they have given specific permission for me to do so. I'm not into soul-baring. I am keeping my feelings about the move to myself (well, friends and family are getting it in the neck a bit, but I'm not angsting online).

But I suspect I'm out of step with most people. I'm beginning to realise that 'being overlooked' in the garden is a huge downside when trying to sell a house. So there must be thousands of people who want to shut their front door and live unseen. Are these the same people who are baring their souls online? Is it easier to disclose painful feelings or difficulties to the unseen millions on Facebook than it is to sit in the garden with a book where the neighbour might see you?


I don't have any answers, but am interested in what you think.

9 comments:

  1. Good question, Jo. It's all about balance, isn't it? I rarely say anything about my daughters and family online and, apart from Koos, even use unfamiliar names for them when I do (not the ones I use when I talk to them). I also say nothing about my personal life and relationships - as you say, no baring the soul stuff - and yet I do tell people quite a lot about my life...it's a balancing act. As for my garden at the crumbly cottage, I have a fence and a wall round it, but you can see through or over it very easily. I don't mind people looking into my space, but I don't want them in it...that's much the same as on the barge really, where I'm used to being part of the tourist sites...you can look, but please don't step on board (or inside) unless invited.

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    1. I agree with you, Val - it's a balancing act - and a choice for each of us as individuals. But it does strike me as contradictory sometimes.

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    2. You're right, Jo! Contradictory it is! Feelings of privacy are very personal...if that's not a contradiction too! Good luck with the house sale!

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  2. I definitely think it's easier to bare one's soul to millions via social media than to sit in the garden where a neighbor can see! It's a funny thing, isn't it? Because connecting with a neighbor is a real-life connection where the social media connections are a type of lie-- we may feel like it's a personal connection but it's lacking. It's connecting without any fear they might wave at you and ask to borrow a cup of sugar.

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    1. I cringe at the thought of baring my soul to millions via social media - but evidence shows that many, many people find it comforting. I'm more than happy sharing my sugar with anyone who needs it, friend or stranger, but not details of my private feelings.

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  3. Neighbours looking in may see us warts and all but readers on social media may only be shown what we want them to see.

    When I first moved to Ireland I found everybody very nosy, incl. my new in-laws. Over the years I learned to appreciate it like the warm protective and supportive net it often was (and still is). When we moved to Germany, the shock couldn't have been harsher and I grew up here. The Germans spell privacy with a (very) capital P at all times.

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    1. That's interesting - I hadn't thought about cultural differences (what an admission, for a traveller!)

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  4. You are not out of step. I share your same views. I don't post personal information and only recently have I started using my real name online. I think that we share too much nowadays. Good luck with the house sale.

    Greetings from London.

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  5. You make good points about privacy; I too do not post photos of close family members online and I have a pretty redwood fence around my back yard for privacy. Privacy seems to be disappearing. All of our purchases by credit card can be tracked, which is why I sometimes pay cash.

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