Wednesday 6 February 2013

Birthdays, and why they matter.

I had a birthday this week - no, this isn't a plea for cake (oh well, go on then, just a small slice); but rather an opportunity to reflect on birthdays in general, and why they matter.

In our western culture, birthdays are an opportunity to remind people that they're important - simply because they are alive, have a space in the world, and people around to care enough to buy a card and sing a song (and eat cake together). It's a day we don't share with anyone else (except for twins, who may see things very differently), but to stand on our own little dais, say, 'Hello world, I'm still here - taking up my own little person-space, with my own ideas and dreams, my joys and struggles.'

But - a question here - how much is this a western-centric celebration, based on a notion of the right of individuals to self-expression and self-determination. Our focus of interest is the individual - competition (even if it's only fighting for the last slice of cake) is based on one person's claim or ability over another's.

Not every culture organises itself as we do. Some Asian families regard the focus of interest as the family unit - so an individual who travels to distant parts, works their socks off in cockle-fields or bean-picking or care homes, shares an attic with six others, and sends all his or her money home to feed parents or children, or pays for a sister's education - is working for the family, not for personal gain. The woman who works in the fields while her husband hunts in the jungle, the children who cannot go to school as they are needed to help herd the goats - they all assume that the survival of the family takes precedence over individual needs or feelings.

But does that mean that they have no occasion to celebrate their own unique place in the world? No one will sing to them, make them a cake, remind them that they matter just for being who they are.

From my perspective, it feels essential that we all have birthdays, a day just for us. But maybe I'm blinkered by my western upbringing. Does anyone else see it differently?

8 comments:

  1. I tend to think of birthdays as a family and community celebration rather than an individual one even in Western culture, Jo. The cake definitely tastes better when it's shared. Oh, and belated Happy Birthday!

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    1. I agree that birthdays are more fun celebrated with friends and family - but contrast with Christmas (goodies for everyone), which is why i think of it as being centred on individuals.

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  2. Good question, I think we, in this culture, have been individualised and that is quite a good thing.

    Maybe controversial (what's new?) but I'm not a fan of survival of the family at all costs. I don't have children myself & while I enjoy the company of some relatives, sometimes, it is irrelevant to me whether the "family" continues into the future. Some families are hugely competitive and that isn't a god thing for them or others.

    It also means I'm not responsible for the population exploding any further and the consequent impact on the environment.

    Howzat for a follow-up?

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    1. I think it's seeing how other cultures organise themselves that make me question our focus on the individual - often at the cost of people being kind to each other simply because we share a common humanity.

      (And my children will help pay my pension - besides which, they are totally wonderful!)

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  3. Good thoughts here, Jo. I work with a number of PhD students who study the social issues that create problems in our society here and many of them cite the benefits of the family oriented society over our very individualised society here in NL. But there is a price isn't there? What can happen is that submission to the family good denies members their individual freedom. The key is finding the middle path where we still care for each other, but allow each other space. I have a feeling we had that once, but I'm not sure. That being said, I agree about birthdays! I hope yours was fully of family and love, but then I'm sure it was from what I know if you! Have a wonderful year Jo. I'm very glad to have 'met' you here.

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    1. I agree Val - I'm not sure individualism hasn't become a rather destructive egocentricity. (And yes, my family did my birthday in style!)

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    2. Yes, I also feel it has gone too far. I get a little depressed about how wrapped up in themselves many people seem to be these days. I also wonder how much new technology might be responsible for some of it. When I get on a train, bus or tram now, almost everyone is absorbed in some kind of electronic device and I notice that even friends sitting together don't even talk to each other. In countries that are too poor to have such widespread luxuries, community feeling is still alive, kicking and very healthy. Maybe I'm generalising (always dangerous, I know) but it gives me pause for thought.

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  4. Happy belated birthday Jo (catching up). Birthdays are not the same when you're older,I would still like them to be but the number of cards are dwindling as people send e cards now or maybe it's just me.

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