Well, here I am. All sorted (well, unpacked) in my new flat. My books are on shelves. I've worked out how the washing machine works, and the cooker. My mind is beginning to settle - I can read again! (For me, an inability to read anything longer than a thousand words or so is indicative of Serious Stress.)
And now what? I've moved to a town where I know nobody. I have very good reasons to be here - there is a station, and theatres, and creative things for children in the middle of town. But I can't make friends with a station. Nor can I spend all my time using the station to see friends who live elsewhere. I have to do the brave thing - find book groups and writing groups, and walk in as the new girl.
I should, surely, be used to this? When travelling, I meet new people all the time. I can strike conversations easily. Can this be so very different?
Somehow it is. I've met some extraordinary people when I've been travelling. But most of them I'll never see again. In my experience, most travellers take very little prompting to talk about themselves and their travelling - and I'm more than happy to chip in with a reminisce or two. We might have a beer together, watch the sun go down, pass on information about bus or train times and great places to stay, and then it's farewell and on to the next town. (Tika and Everlasting, of course, are exceptions!)
But here - I feel a need to tread more warily. My interest in those I meet is as sharp as ever - but now it matters what they think of me. Where is the balance between being interested, and being nosey? I don't want to look pushy, or - like Nellie-no-mates - desperate for people to talk to. On the other hand, though I'm not unhappy on my own, I know that my life will be richer if I become part of this community.
It's over thirty-five years since I last moved to a new town. At the moment all this newness is an adventure. But sometimes I have to grit my teeth and be brave.
And if it's like this for me, when I know the language and systems and how to navigate the transport system … what is it like for refugees? My nanodrops of courage are nothing besides the reserves that they need.
That does sound daunting to be in a new city after 35 years without a move to a new town. I have lived here 42 years. Your plan sounds good to join clubs that interest you. Maybe sign up for a class?
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'll think about a class - I need to improve my Spanish (am still reeling from the language challenge in Cuba) - just need to find my way round first.
DeleteOh Jo! You've moved! That does take some getting used to, doesn't it? I'll have to read your previous posts before I start asking daft questions, but bon courage!? I'll catch up very soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks Val - can't decide if I'm brave or foolish!
DeleteOne step at a time, my friend. You will get there. How about volunteering?
ReplyDeleteThank you. Someone has already spotted that I have a clean DBS and wants me to do something with children - not such a silly idea!
DeleteThat struck a chord. The difference between talking to people you meet once and will never see again, and those who will probably get to know you better. I would be thinking (about them): 'You're chatting with me now, but soon you'll realise I'm not worth bothering with.' But you'll be fine, Jo. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Miriam - one step at a time!
DeleteWell done for moving! Check out stuff at local library....you ought to be invited to give talks about your travels! Also any local book groups /writers groups would welcome you with open arms. Local 'free' paper a source of stuff. xxxxx
ReplyDeleteThanks Carol - have already joined library book group, so who knows what doors that might open!
DeleteYes, very true. I used to wonder why refugees insisted in living in cities when there would be so much more room for them in the countryside. How can I have been so dumb? They need kindred spirits, like we all do. I think a lot of the secret of being "new" is simply to be around the place, without necessarily doing much, so people get used to your face. Luckily you are not too far from your old haunts and I hope you can ease into it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jenny - it's a bit one-day-at-time at the moment, but I'll get there.
DeleteIt is hard moving to a new area and making new friends. I surprised myself by joining anything I could and I now have a better social life than I did before. You'll make friends easily. Good luck in your new house.
ReplyDelete